I never thought coming to Bali would stir up so much within me as it currently does. While I am not participating in spiritual practices like Kirtan singing or group healings – a huge spiritual expansion comes with my stay. What moves and expands within my inner and outer world is beyond what you can grasp with words. From living in my spacious villa that my friends call “queendom” – to having more money than ever. From feeling the pain that comes with disappointing experiences, to feeling more trust than I could ever experience in this lifetime. The type of trust that soothes your nervous system. The type of inner knowing that everything I put on my dream list is pointing towards my reality. In fact, the vision board I created in December 2024 is my dream reality come true this month. Despite one thing: A committed, beautiful relationship and creating my own family. Yet, I am in the deepest knowing that even this aspect will come to fruition within the next couple of months.
How control can disguise as trusting your own intuition
Well, why am I writing about this at all, my dear? I am aware, how thin the line is: Between creating your own reality and surrounding to what is meant for you, through my own life experience. Surrendering to what life has to offer for me was mostly the hardest part. Listening to my own intuition partly became a sense of control. Clinging to the need to control what the “right” or “wrong” thing to do is. Wanting a glimpse or prediction of my future, rather than acting from a deeper place of trust and inner knowing. If you have listened to the first season of my podcast “Alchemy Soul“, you know what I am talking about…
- “We all have ONE soul path.”
- “You should always listen to your intuition and inner truth.”
- “Cut out every thing from your life that is not in alignment.”
And to some extent I still agree with these truths I share in my podcast –
- WHILE we need to surrender.
- WHILE we need to losen the tight grip to what we want so deeply.
- WHILE we need to embody the truth: that we are always divinely led and taken care of.
How unmothered men are catalysts for your personal expansion
From this point on – let me talk about men. Arriving on this (not so beautiful) island, called Bali, I came down to Uluwatu after one week in Tabanan. Hinge is a dating app that I used one time in my life so far. After my break-up in July 2021 from a five and a half year relationship I wanted to date again the following winter. I went on three dates. One dinner date with a basketball player. We’ve had good food, good talks. And then… he wanted to kiss me good-bye, which I kindly refused. One walk and talk date in Cologne’s park. Our conversation was interesting. To hear about him and his best friend’s coffee brand ‘in the making’. Visits to South Americas coffee bean plantations and trying different flavours and supplements on coffee. But, after the first date I had no urge to see any of those men again. Coming to Bali I made a different experience and I was on the other side of the coin for the first time. Last week I was the one who wanted to see him again. Before my arrival on this island Hinge went into my hands again. We wrote, he seemed to be interesting and most forward, he was searching for a life partner by his side. Handsome, having his own business, invested into feminine and masculine roles. Sounds great so far doesn’t it? Until you meet, are postponed throughout two weeks and see him posting an instagram story on a date with someone else. Fair enough this man doesn’t owe me a thing, no commitment, no explanations. Though, it hurt. What came with it was a wave of pain from all my past relationships where I was the one left behind for somebody else. Ouch… But coming back to living in alignment, surrendering and getting what you want from the deepest corners of your heart in this life. This is your message, baby.
The pain we set for ourselves with not letting go what’s off
When was the last time you clang onto a dating partner – even though, you felt something is off? You wanted him to text you, call you, invite you. But deep down… You knew already this is not it. You wanted something else, yet, you were clinging to nothing but a fairytale made up in your head.
I want a man, one who is standing his ground enough to tell me when he wants to see someone else. One who is invested into getting to know me as a person. Or someone else, if that feels better for him. But honest in giving a firm yes, or no. And this is not only called having a healthy standard for a mature relationship. It is a sincere reflection of honouring my heart’s true desires. Standing up to what I know is meant for me. What my soul is yearning for. And not dropping my truth and love to life by clinging onto nothing but pain and illusions. I realised deep down within me that I was slightly holding on to the dream of dating this man. While it didn’t make any sense. Why should you date someone who is not fully honest and invested in dating you? Someone who ain’t on the same page as you? No holding me on the line. No hiding the truth. No being afraid of speaking truth. But let’s be honest, even though my gut feeling already told me something is off… Sometimes we just don’t surrender to truth and our inner knowing. We cling instead. It is our old pain in disguise of false hopes. The old pain leading our current experiences. We cling to the, “but I want to date him”. To the “why does he not invite me to a beautiful date”. To the story our attached ego makes up in our own mind. Creating a past reality that is not in alignment with our true and highest destiny. The one our soul is calling us to step up to. And we cling to the pain that comes with the attachment to old pain and the story we made up in our fairytale-blindfolded-mind already.
How to set boundaries and let go of misalignment to get what you truly desire
Yesterday night dining out my friend Nico told me about his recent break up ten weeks ago. He and his now ex spend one intense week together after their breakup on Bali. One week, surrendering to the deepest truth between their souls. Asking each other questions, never brought up to the table in over two years together. And here I am. Putting my surrender and hurt into this blog post for you after a very short dating experience on Bali.
Even after only one time seeing each other it hurt. The postponement, seeing him date someone else… And yet, I did not went into explaining myself, my wishes, my standard, my pain to him. No. I stopped bemothering a man. I broke the pattern of letting my pain lead me. Instead, I accepted the truth. I accepted that he did not want to date me. I accepted that this of course, is not what I want. And I surrendered to what is. And the biggest trust in my brightest future relationship wise came up. As my mentor Sofia says “Even though I… feel hurt. I am fundamentally well.” Because what is the point of indulging in this experience and trying to work out something or talk it through? Simply let it be and release what is out of your highest timeline. Through this I gained the biggest trust in trusting my first inner knowing. Something we call intuition or gut feeling. Within milliseconds our subconscious mind processes micro-expressions, energy “vibes” our conscious mind can never do. I gained the biggest confidence in releasing what is meant to be released. In not working against life. In knowing that, when I surrender, everything falls into place. And I have the deepest trust and inner knowing that this experience only asked for me to detach from misalignment. Knowing that the right person for me, the most beautiful relationship is on its way.
And this is exactly how I came to this exact point of truest and fullest gratitude and joy in life. Being fulfilled living on an island in Indonesia, seeing the sunset at the beach, dining out with my friends every night, going to beautiful outdoor gyms, writing my blog posts on a cliff watching the best surfers around. And having tears in my eyes filled with gratitude and joy day by day. Feeling the deepest connection to life, being taken care of, protected, expanding through my inner work. The pain and the truth you’re willing to accept and grow beyond. Not repeating the same old patterns your nervous system and energetic field is holding onto so badly? This is exactly what leads you to such a life, filled with tears of joy and expecting miracles day by day.
The last part of my dream life that I could ask for? The relationship with our own beautiful family? I trust that it comes soon. Because I do not cling onto what I deep down know is not meant to be. I let go. I feel the pain and I am fundamentally well. I am more expanded and trusting than ever before. And I know the angles are cheering up on me in the sky.
If you deep down know ‘This is not for you’: Accept it. The job, the offer, the relationship, the date. Don’t cling onto it, if your first instinct is ‘it is off’. Don’t cling to ‘making it work out.’ You don’t need to make it work out.
If it is meant to be, life will make it work out. If you don’t work against it.
Don’t try to explain why this still is an experience worth trying. It is merely your ego and past pain attached to proving your self-worth. Your attachment to your blindfolded-fairytale-mind of what you thought this could be. And the ‘but I wanted this to work out.’ There is a difference between putting effort into a gorgeous relationship that comes with ups and downs. Handling problems as a couple. And between the fact that you’re putting your energy into a – relationship, job, friendship, new project or your business – while you know from the start: ‘This is not it.‘ Drop it. Release it. Feel the pain. And become comfortable with it.
Let the discomfort move you beyond what your ego is clinging onto.
This is exactly what I did. And the most beautiful thing about it? I feel like I am growing in a way beyond description. I don’t need to confront him. I don’t need to explain my feelings. I let it go with the current. The best thing about it? I know that God is beyond proud of me to accept life. To grow beyond my old pattern of sticking to a man, who is indecisive or partly invested into someone else. I open up to space for what is in alignment with myself. For a man with whom things flow from the start. And I don’t need the approval of someone who is not fully invested into dating me. And it is perfectly fine. As Sofia says ‘I am fundamentally well.’
The next time you find yourself clinging onto an experience that seems off – I want you to remember: You are not here to make things work out – that are not meant for you. You are not here to cling onto something that is not fully what you want. And with that comes the biggest expansion and growth beyond your past-set limitations.
If you find yourself still clinging onto it, my Spinal Attunement healing sessions are for you. Just write me an email (hello@kingawanesa.com), get in touch with me and I am happy to help you move through off experiences that come from hurt in the past.
Let me know your thoughts on this post and what it brought up for you in the comments below – I would love to hear 🤍
Your Muse
Kinga Wanesa
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