Honesty it not always easy. Yet it is inevitable. What is merely is. What lies within you, is within you already. And the more you deny it, the more you deny yourself. The more you deny yourself, the harder your life will get. Because you are shooting against a brick wall.
The more I am getting honest with myself, the more free I feel. The more I allow myself to be, the more juicy life gets. It is scary at first. But here is why it is worth investigating it and how it will turn your life upside down for good.
Here are 5 hard truths I was brave enough to face during the past years:
- I quit a long-term relationship of 5.5 years. I had to admit that I had a bad gut feeling about an ex of him still in contact with him. I denied it naively and not admitting I did not want to be in a relationship with him until she is not fully out of our field. Yet, I jumped into this relationship and saw the consequences of her stalking us. I ended the relationship.
- I had to admit that even after 6 years of studying psychology, becoming a consultant, then switching to high ticket sales and offering my own services as a healer and practitioner it is not the work life I desire and I dropped it all.
- I did not feel in alignment with my friends any longer: Drinking alcohol every day or week, watching Netflix series, working 9-5 through burn-out, staying in stupid, unhealthy relationships and participating in the same draining habits and self-pity is not in alignment with me. I left nearly all of my friends and my whole surrounding behind by moving out of the country.
- I had to admit that I was the one choosing poorly in relationships and dating. I said yes to dating men and sex not full-heartedly. Under it: narcissists, uncommitted and insecure men even if they don’t seem so. All the while, while knowing I want a committed long-term, life-long relationship.
- I thought I am healthy, had a good child-hood and upbringing, trauma-free. Yet the more I started to work emotion-body-and-somatic-based after my M.Sc. psychology studies, I have noticed different: I had severe trauma stored in my body. From this life-time, my ancestral line, and past-lives. It is insane. And I am glad I know how to work through it.
And let me tell you dear, it is freakin hard to admit it. You are the problem. ALWAYS. Haha. Your shit-fuck situations are merely a reflection of your own shadows. Yet what makes me shake-my-head and where I have no understand and compassion for is: How most people are not willing to open their eyes to truth. I know it is shit-hard to open your eyes. Face truth. Feel it all. And admit where we are holding on falsely, choosing poorly and not choosing better for ourselves. Where we are not in alignment. Not in expression of our own truth. Not feeling all the fuck-shit stored in our bodies. And then sitting and living in self-pity. Explaining to ourselves why shit is fine. Thanks. Not for me. Not for me. I am not participating in it. Yet, I know it is work of YEARS and never-ending work to work through.
But here is the sunny-side of going through hell. Self-death. And rebirth. While facing truth. Coming back to my 5 hard truths. Here’s what was on the other side of the coin:
- I manifested an expander (someone who opens your view for completely different possibilities in life). I made my dream come true. Lived for 3 months in Thailand on Ko Samui, Ko Phangan and Ko Tao. Met a man, the most beautiful I have ever encountered. With the most stunning villa on a hill on one of the most beautiful islands I have ever seen in my life. Treating me like a real woman. Picking me up from airports. Inviting me in to the most beautiful restaurants worldwide. Planning adventures and hikes together. Holding space for me. Wanting me to be seen and heard. Being open and truthful with me. Even though it did not work out fully. It is a whole different reality I faced, I now know is possible and will get even better!
- On the other hand of dropping my corporate ladder work-life: I offered sound healings, broke people’s life-long trauma lines, past life vows – brought them back into the most ecstatic, calm and serene self. A pure state of bliss. Releasing relationship pain and holding on. Offered yoga, embodiment, breath-work, energetic healing outdoors in the woods, at beaches, in NY in a teacher training, at ecstatic dances. The life I have dreamt of for so long. Come true within only 1.5 years by acting straight out of passion and trust. Doing the thing my heart desires.
- On the other side of leaving my surrounding behind lied the possibility to work through all my past pains, past-life-trauma, generational curses, shadows and going deeper and deeper into the work. I am now able to open myself up for God. I had laughter outbursts. Knowing I am a vessel for Divine Love. And meeting the best possible mentors and communities online that rip me open for the truth and expansion I need to fully live an authentically aligned live.
- I am now able to see where my poor choosing came from. I am now able to choose better for myself. Being FULLY hard-on self-responsible. Knowing that every man I meet is a mere reflection of where I am at in life. Energy meeting energy-alike. Counterparts meeting each other. And able to work through my blind spots, by being brutally honest and facing Truth hard on.
- On the other side of the river of working through hidden stored trauma: I have a whole different posture. I am opening up to the most stunning version of myself. Not playing small, not adjusting my posture to people with the worst posture. Not nodding or saying yes if people talk bs I am not in accordance with. And seeing the Divine Woman or Man in every person in the room – even when they have 1% contact with it only. Grounding myself more and more into the serene, divine woman. Bringing her to life and into the driver’s seat of my life. While I am learning to surrender and trust fully. In ecstatic remembrance and dance with life.
Thank me I have done the work. Thank great mentors like Sigourney Belle, Sofia Sundari and Lacy Phillips for the work they offer. And thanking my growing self-worth for taking hours daily to do the work.
Thank you for ready this blog. Share with us: What hard truth did you face recently and what beauty was on the other side of the river? Comment below.
All the Love & Trust,
Kinga Wanesa
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